truth
Learning to Leave What I Love
There is a kind of intimacy that doesn’t just touch your body—it reorganizes it. It opens pathways you didn’t know were there. It teaches you how to feel, how to soften, how to let yourself be met. And then, sometimes, it leaves you with that opening… without the person who helped you find it. That’s…
Read MoreIf We Met Again
It begins as if I am dreaming. The air between us is charged, the way it used to hum before a storm. I don’t know if it’s memory or premonition, only that my body recognizes him before my mind does. The space is the same, but something has changed. There is no tension of expectation,…
Read Morespace between
I keep circling the same question: does S feel something for me beyond our sessions? For more than three years, S has touched me, held me, witnessed me. We’ve moved between massage and conscious intimacy, weaving back and forth across boundaries that feel both clear and porous. The exploration of our naked bodies never feels…
Read Moretransactional intimacy
Sometimes I wonder if it’s only ever a transaction between us. I keep experiencing it as more—feeling the sweetness, the closeness, the ache—but then I feel foolish for believing in that more. Like I’m gaslighting myself. You care about me. You’re present within the transaction. But still… it’s a transaction. And maybe sex and intimacy…
Read Moredecentering & centering
Over many months, I’ve been exploring the new paradigm of decentering men in my life. Even writing that sentence a part of me feels apologetic and an urge to write something reassuring to men that I love, and men in general. That’s part of the problem. I experience a pull to make sure men know…
Read Morepossibly unsexy truths
When I started the anonymous Sacred Body Love blog, I was excited about the idea of a man finding my writing and being really attracted to it, so much so that he would try to find out who I was, and then we would end up being soulmates. That fantasy, that imaginary story, is probably…
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