boundaries
Learning to Leave What I Love
There is a kind of intimacy that doesn’t just touch your body—it reorganizes it. It opens pathways you didn’t know were there. It teaches you how to feel, how to soften, how to let yourself be met. And then, sometimes, it leaves you with that opening… without the person who helped you find it. That’s…
Read Morepresence
I’m noticing a connection. On Saturday when I saw M., we tried sitting down to talk. Almost immediately, I felt uncomfortable. There really isn’t a comfortable way to sit in that room. He even admitted that. Usually he takes the chair and I sit on the weird folded futon. It’s not comfortable. And there have…
Read MoreI Don’t Know What It Means
Here’s something I’ve been carrying for years, something I’ve never really spoken about until now. One of the hardest parts of intimacy with men for me is understanding what their actions mean. I remember one session with M. where I was being massaged and he put his cock in my hand. I felt it there…
Read MoreTaking Courage to Slow Down
For years, I experienced sex in a way that felt like I had no real agency over the pace or sequence of events, over how my body was touched and enjoyed, and around my feelings of pleasure, overwhelm, discomfort or whatever felt like too much, not enough, or more of what was just right. The…
Read Moreuntangling desire & trust
I had gone into today’s session with an idea—maybe I would let M. witness me pleasuring myself. He had suggested it last time, and the thought stayed with me. For weeks I imagined myself opening in that way: vibrator in hand, egg inside, body exposed in orgasm before his eyes. But as the day grew…
Read Moreedges of pleasure
Earlier this week, I was on a little vacation, getting a massage, and something clicked into place. I’ve often wondered if I have a kink around receiving massage—but I’m starting to think it’s not a kink so much as a preference born of wisdom. The truth is, I prefer being touched by men who are…
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