conscious intimacy
When I don’t ignore my body, I don’t disappear
I’m noticing a connection. On Saturday when I saw M., we tried sitting down to talk. Almost immediately, I felt uncomfortable. There really isn’t a comfortable way to sit in that room. He even admitted that. Usually he takes the chair and I sit on that weird folded futon. It’s not comfortable. And there have…
Read MoreThe Places I Stayed Too Long
There’s a kind of connection that feels real in the body before it ever becomes real in a life. That’s where I have lived. Not in relationships that were clearly chosen and built over time, but in moments—touch, eye contact, laughter, shared space, the feeling of being wanted for a second, an hour, a night.…
Read Morepresence
I’m noticing a connection. On Saturday when I saw M., we tried sitting down to talk. Almost immediately, I felt uncomfortable. There really isn’t a comfortable way to sit in that room. He even admitted that. Usually he takes the chair and I sit on the weird folded futon. It’s not comfortable. And there have…
Read MoreI Don’t Know What It Means
Here’s something I’ve been carrying for years, something I’ve never really spoken about until now. One of the hardest parts of intimacy with men for me is understanding what their actions mean. I remember one session with M. where I was being massaged and he put his cock in my hand. I felt it there…
Read Morespace between
I keep circling the same question: does S feel something for me beyond our sessions? For more than three years, S has touched me, held me, witnessed me. We’ve moved between massage and conscious intimacy, weaving back and forth across boundaries that feel both clear and porous. The exploration of our naked bodies never feels…
Read Morethe rock + the river
We keep moving—between massage and conscious intimacy, between silence and speech, between giving and receiving. We flow back and forth, like river and rock. Our sessions evolve into something co-created, something we shape together each time. This is what I want: not a script, but a landscape to explore. Not a routine, but a ritual.…
Read Morethe intimacy within
There is a kind of intimacy that isn’t about another person. It isn’t about being touched, chosen, or understood. It’s about returning home to yourself. For so long, I thought intimacy meant letting someone in. Letting them touch me, hear me, see me. Letting them love me. And maybe it still does. But lately, I’m…
Read Morekissing
More than a week later, I can still see the faint mark just above my left nipple where he sucked my breast with such intense passion. I look at it each day in the mirror, run my finger over that spot and feel a rush of pleasure flow through my body remembering our time together.…
Read Moreconscious intimacy
What is conscious intimacy? What does it mean to me? What does it feel like? I want to explore deeply so I can create more of it in my life. When I think of intimacy, I long to feel comfort and at ease in my body, mind and spirit in the presence of my lover.…
Read More