intimacy & healing
I Don’t Know What It Means
Here’s something I’ve been carrying for years, something I’ve never really spoken about until now. One of the hardest parts of intimacy with men for me is understanding what their actions mean. I remember one session with M. where I was being massaged and he put his cock in my hand. I felt it there…
Read MoreTaking Courage to Slow Down
For years, I experienced sex in a way that felt like I had no real agency over the pace or sequence of events, over how my body was touched and enjoyed, and around my feelings of pleasure, overwhelm, discomfort or whatever felt like too much, not enough, or more of what was just right. The…
Read Morespace between
I keep circling the same question: does S feel something for me beyond our sessions? For more than three years, S has touched me, held me, witnessed me. We’ve moved between massage and conscious intimacy, weaving back and forth across boundaries that feel both clear and porous. The exploration of our naked bodies never feels…
Read Moretouch, trust, and intimacy
It takes me a long time to trust someone with my body. A long time to let myself truly receive—not just kindness or love, but physical touch, sensual care, erotic presence. I’ve loved massage for years, but I didn’t always know how to receive it. I used to perform the role of the “good client”:…
Read More