Archive for July 2025
touch, trust, and intimacy
It takes me a long time to trust someone with my body. A long time to let myself truly receive—not just kindness or love, but physical touch, sensual care, erotic presence. I’ve loved massage for years, but I didn’t always know how to receive it. I used to perform the role of the “good client”:…
Read Moresacred tension
My appointment was for Sunday at 1:45 PM—a two-hour massage that became so much more. Before I left the house, I was already inside of the ritual. Showered. Shaved smooth. Oil rubbed sensually all over my body. I rolled fragrance oil down my arms and neck, behind my ears, across my lower back. Sandalwood in…
Read Morescrewed
A former lover once asked me if I’m monogamous. I said I didn’t know. I’ve never been in a long relationship, so how could I know how I’d feel if I got there? But the real answer is more layered. I’ve been wondering about open relationships since my twenties, when a boyfriend said he’d marry…
Read Moreedges of pleasure
Earlier this week, I was on a little vacation, getting a massage, and something clicked into place. I’ve often wondered if I have a kink around receiving massage—but I’m starting to think it’s not a kink so much as a preference born of wisdom. The truth is, I prefer being touched by men who are…
Read Moretransactional intimacy
Sometimes I wonder if it’s only ever a transaction between us. I keep experiencing it as more—feeling the sweetness, the closeness, the ache—but then I feel foolish for believing in that more. Like I’m gaslighting myself. You care about me. You’re present within the transaction. But still… it’s a transaction. And maybe sex and intimacy…
Read More