touch, trust, and intimacy
It takes me a long time to trust someone with my body. A long time to let myself truly receive—not just kindness or love, but physical touch, sensual care, erotic presence. I’ve loved massage for years, but I didn’t always know how to receive it. I used to perform the role of the “good client”:…
sacred tension
My appointment was for Sunday at 1:45 PM—a two-hour massage that became so much more. Before I left the house, I was already inside of the ritual. Showered. Shaved smooth. Oil rubbed sensually all over my body. I rolled fragrance oil down my arms and neck, behind my ears, across my lower back. Sandalwood in…
screwed
A former lover once asked me if I’m monogamous. I said I didn’t know. I’ve never been in a long relationship, so how could I know how I’d feel if I got there? But the real answer is more layered. I’ve been wondering about open relationships since my twenties, when a boyfriend said he’d marry…
edges of pleasure
Earlier this week, I was on a little vacation, getting a massage, and something clicked into place. I’ve often wondered if I have a kink around receiving massage—but I’m starting to think it’s not a kink so much as a preference born of wisdom. The truth is, I prefer being touched by men who are…
transactional intimacy
Sometimes I wonder if it’s only ever a transaction between us. I keep experiencing it as more—feeling the sweetness, the closeness, the ache—but then I feel foolish for believing in that more. Like I’m gaslighting myself. You care about me. You’re present within the transaction. But still… it’s a transaction. And maybe sex and intimacy…
the verge
I’ve gone to the edge of my comfort zone with him, again and again. He invited me there—and I said yes. I invited him there. I invited myself. Willingly. Softly. Sensually. Each time I opened a little more. Embraced more. Received more. Touched more. Trusted more. And in all of it, he was there. Tracking…
steering my own vessel
Dear Love, What would you have me know today? I am proud of you for finding the center of your own life and steering your ship in the direction of your own North Star. This lifetime is ultimately for you—to walk your path, bound only by the soul-deep agreements you’ve made with yourself. Abundant guidance…
decentering & centering
Over many months, I’ve been exploring the new paradigm of decentering men in my life. Even writing that sentence a part of me feels apologetic and an urge to write something reassuring to men that I love, and men in general. That’s part of the problem. I experience a pull to make sure men know…
the intimacy within
There is a kind of intimacy that isn’t about another person. It isn’t about being touched, chosen, or understood. It’s about returning home to yourself. For so long, I thought intimacy meant letting someone in. Letting them touch me, hear me, see me. Letting them love me. And maybe it still does. But lately, I’m…
kissing
More than a week later, I can still see the faint mark just above my left nipple where he sucked my breast with such intense passion. I look at it each day in the mirror, run my finger over that spot and feel a rush of pleasure flow through my body remembering our time together.…
conscious intimacy
What is conscious intimacy? What does it mean to me? What does it feel like? I want to explore deeply so I can create more of it in my life. When I think of intimacy, I long to feel comfort and at ease in my body, mind and spirit in the presence of my lover.…
full moon feeling
Friday night full moons can feel a certain way. With this one I felt an expectation of myself to be wild, maybe I’d even embody my sexy goddess self fully. Sometimes life doesn’t go the way we plan. I found myself in tears and not feeling even remotely sexy as my evening sensual massage appointment…
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